


Celebrity Jeopardy: Super Smash Brothers Edition

by Latias425



Category: Saturday Night Live, Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Game Shows, Gen, Language, Parody, Randomness, Stupidity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-09 23:49:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11115477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Latias425/pseuds/Latias425
Summary: A parody of the SNL Celebrity Jeopardy sketches featuring the famous (and stupid) smashers as they compete on the ultimate game show of brains and wits.





	1. Mario, Link, and Samus

The Celebrity Jeopardy theme played throughout the studio as three unlucky smashers stood behind their podiums. The first three contestants were a certain red-capped plumber, a green-clad hylian, and an intergalactic bounty hunter. The host Alex Trebek stood at the host's podium, and he looked way out of it.

"And welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy." Trebek sighed. "Before we begin I'd like to remind our contestants to please refrain from using ethnic slurs. With that said, let's move on to Double Jeopardy. In first place we have Mario with -$1500."

The camera shifted over to Mario, who waved his hat around to greet the audience. "It's-a me, Mario!"

"Yes, we know it's you." Trebek muttered. "In second place we have Link with -$3000."

The camera moved over to Link, who looked rather confused. "Is it my turn to spin the wheel?"

"Wheel? There is no wheel in Celebrity Jeopardy." Trebek pointed out. "And in third place with a whopping -$200,000 we have Samus Aran."

The camera pointed over to Samus, and she didn't look to happy to be here. "You suck, Trebek!"

"Thanks for the compliment, Ms. Aran." Trebek muttered sarcastically. "Let's take a look at our categories for Double Jeopardy, and they are...'Potent Potables', 'Famous Horses', 'Will This Hurt if You Put it in Your Mouth?', 'Mushrooms', 'Kick Your Own Ass', and 'Where Are You?'. Okay Mario, since you're in the lead, how about you pick the first category."

"I'll have-a Pasta for $300!" Mario exclaimed.

"No you will not." Trebek scowled. "Link, how about you pick a category then?"

"Okay, I'd like to buy a vowel." Link suggested.

"You realize this is Celebrity Jeopardy, right? You're supposed to pick a category and answer the clue in the form of a question." Trebek explained.

"I'm sorry, Pat. I lost interest after you started talking about cats." Link rolled his eyes as he let out a yawn.

"My name is not Pat Sajak, and I was not talking about cats!" Trebek groaned. "You know what? How about I just pick the category since you all want to act like braindead monkeys? Let's go with 'Where Are You' for $400. The answer is simply 'Where are you now'?"

_***BUZZ!*** _

"Mario?"

"Am I at Pizza Hut?" Mario asked.

"No you are not." Trebek scowled.

_***BUZZ!*** _

"Yes, Link?"

"I'm on Wheel of Fortune!" Link shouted excitedly.

"Wrong game show, Link." Trebek groaned.

_***BUZZ!*** _

"Ms. Aran?"

"What is hell?" Samus guessed.

"It does seem like it, but no. The answer was Celebrity Jeopardy! I'll just pick the next category so I won't have to subject myself to any more of this bulls**t. How about 'Mushrooms' for $200?"

A picture of a 1-Up mushroom from the Mario series appeared onscreen as the clue.

"What kind of mushroom is this? Mario, you're welcome to buzz in at any time."

_***BUZZ!*** _

"There you go, Mario. There's no way you can possibly get this wrong."

"What is ravioli?" Mario guessed stupidly.

Trebek hit his head on the podium in embarrassment. "I have just completely lost faith in you people."

_***BUZZ!*** _

"Link?"

"I'll take a C, Pat." Link answered.

Trebek hit his head again. "This is Celebrity Jeopardy, not Wheel of Fortune!"

_***BUZZ!*** _

"Oh God, Ms. Aran?"

Samus didn't answer and instead just flipped off the host.

"Thanks for that little gesture, Samus." Trebek grumbled sarcastically. "You know what? Let's just save everyone's time and sanity by moving right to Final Jeopardy, and your category is...you know what?" Trebek ripped the cue card that he was holding and threw them on the floor. "How about you just tell me what you want instead? Just write anything you want and you win."

The Final Jeopardy theme started up and Mario, Link, and Samus started writing down their answers on their podiums.

"If you want food, then draw food. If you want to shoot me in the head so I can leave this god-forbidden earth forever, then just bring a gun so I can shoot myself with it."

After a while, the Final Jeopardy theme came to an end, and Trebek went over to the three podiums to check their answers and wagers.

"Now let's see what gems our contestants came up with. Starting with you Mario, let's see what you wrote down."

_**Mario's answer: Spaghetti** _

"And you want spaghetti." Trebek said as he read the answer out loud. "Well, it's looks like you wrote down the right answer. Now let's see what you wagered."

_**Mario's wager: More spaghetti** _

"And you wagered more spaghetti. Just when I thought that you would actually win this." Trebek groaned as he moved over to Link's podium. "Link, what did you write for your answer?"

_**Link's answer: I'd like a C** _

"You want a C... Link, you can't actually get a C, you know that?" Trebek then shook his head. "What did you write for your wager?"

_**Link's wager: Pat Sajak** _

Trebek facepalmed as he read the wager. "For the last time, my name is Alex Trebek, and this is not Wheel of Fortune!" Trebek sighed. "All right, Samus. Now let's see what you wrote down."

_**Samus' answer: For you to go to hell** _

"You want me to go to hell..." Trebek muttered as he read the answer. "I think I'm already in hell. Let's see what you wagered."

_**Samus' wager: Go f**k yourself** _

"And you wagered a note telling me to go f**k myself..." Trebek glared at Samus as he read the wager. "Well, that's it for Celebrity Jeopardy. I'm now gonna go home and cry myself to sleep. Good night."


	2. Roy, Marth, and Ike

The Jeopardy theme played for the second time as three swordsmen stood at their podiums. The first being a hyperactive red-head, the second being a blue-haired pretty boy, and the third was rather tall and muscular. The host Alex Trebek stood at his podium, looking completely exhausted as hell.

"And welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy." Trebek muttered. "Before we begin, I'd like to apologize to everyone who had to witness the pure stupidity that happened during the first round. With that said, let's look at the scores. In first place we have Roy with -$2000."

The camera then focused on Roy, who was really hamming it up. "Hey, look everybody! I'm on TV! I'm going to be a millionaire! Whoohoo!" Roy hollered.

Trebek on the other hand, was rather bothered by Roy's hyperactivity. "Okay, moving on. In second place we have Marth with -$2500."

The camera then moved away from Roy, who was still hogging it up, and focused on Marth, who looked very annoyed by Roy hollering right next to him.

"Hey Marth, we're on TV! Isn't that great?"

"Get the hell out of my face, Roy." Marth scowled.

"And in third place with an outstanding -$150,000 we have Ike."

The camera then focused on Ike, who was definitely way out of it. "When can I go home, dude?"

"That's the same question that I'm asking, but these evil b*****ds won't let me leave." Trebek groaned. "Anyway, let's move on to Double Jeopardy, and the categories are...'Potent Potables', 'Types of Soda', 'Raise Your Hand', 'Months That Start With Jan', 'The Color Red', and 'Toast'. Okay Roy, you pick the first category." Trebek then looked and saw that Roy was too busy standing on his podium. "Roy, what the hell are you doing? Did you even hear what I just said?"

"Nope! I have no idea what you just told me!" Roy exclaimed, before laughing like the retard that he was.

"Never mind, how about you choose a category, Marth?" Trebek groaned.

"Okay, I choose..."

"Why does he get to pick first?" Roy interrupted.

"Uhh, because you were too busy being a dumbass." Marth scowled.

Trebek hit his head on his podium in irritation. "You know what? How about we just go with 'Types of Soda' for $300. The answer is: 'This soda's name rhymes with light'."

_***BUZZ!*** _

"Yes, Marth?"

"What is-"

"Hey Marth, I think I know what it is!" Roy interrupted.

"Roy, shut up! I'm trying to answer!" Marth growled, and then the timer went off.

"Oh, looks like you ran out of time." Trebek sighed.

"Thanks a lot, dumbass." Marth glared at Roy.

_***BUZZ!*** _

"Ike, do you have an answer?"

"Can I have some chicken?" Ike asked.

"What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

Ike shrugged. "I don't know. I just want some chicken, dude."

"Well, you're not getting any chicken right now." Trebek stated sternly. "This is Celebrity Jeopardy, not KFC."

Ike glared at Trebek. "You suck, dude."

"I know." Trebek muttered. "Roy, since you want to so bad, you select the next category."

"Oh, sweet! I'll take 'Moths That Stomp on Jam' for $500!"

"That's 'Months That Start With Jan', Roy." Trebek corrected. "The answer is: 'This is the only month of the year that starts with 'Jan'."

_***BUZZ!*** _

"Roy?"

"Jantober!" Roy blurted out.

Trebek hit his head on the podium. "How retarded are you, Roy?"

"Well, my mother told me that I was dropped on my head as a child and I've never felt better since." Roy smiled goofily.

"Well, that explains a lot." Trebek muttered.

_***BUZZ!*** _

"Yes, Marth?"

"I'd like to get the hell out of here."

"Me too, Marth. I'd like to leave this god-forsaken studio forever so I can live a happy man." Trebek groaned. "You know what? Just for the sake of everyone's soul, let's just skip to the Final Jeopardy, and your category is 'Your Best Friend'. Just write down the name of your best friend, and you win."

The Final Jeopardy theme came on as the three swordsmen started to write their answers on their podiums.

"Remember, it can be anyone that's your friend. Just write down their name and you win."

After about a minute, the Final Jeopardy theme ended, and Trebek went over to the three podiums.

"Alright, now let's see what amazing answers our contestants came up with." Trebek muttered. "Starting with you, Roy. What did you write down?"

_**Roy's answer: Potatoes** _

"Potatoes. Are you really that retarded?" Trebek asked.

"Potatoes are my friends." Roy said in a weird tone.

"Yep, you definitely are." Trebek muttered. "What did you even wager?"

_**Roy's wager: Up your ass** _

"Up your ass." Trebek muttered as he read the wager out loud. "Roy, you are officially the most worthless piece of human trash to ever walk this planet."

"Thank you." Roy replied with a grin.

Trebek's eyes widened in disbelieve. Did Roy seriously just take that as a compliment? Trebek shook his head as he went over to see Marth's answer. "Okay Marth, let's see what you answered."

_**Marth's answer: Roy** _

"You wrote down Roy's name." Trebek said in slight surprise.

Roy's eyes lit up. "You wrote down my name?!"

"Yeah, I gotta admit, you are kind of nice, even if you are a bit retarded." Marth admitted.

"Well, I'm quite impressed." Trebek smiled. "Now let's see what you wagered."

_**Marth's wager: is a dumbass** _

"Is a dumbass..." Trebek read in disbelief.

Roy's face went from pure excitement to one of pure horror. "What?! I'm not a dumbass!"

"Are too."

"Am not!" Roy protested, and the two of them looked ready to beat the s**t out of each other.

"Okay then, so before Marth and Roy try to kill each other, let's take a look at what Ike answered."

_**Ike's answer: You suck** _

"I suck..." Trebek muttered as he read the answer. "How nice of you to write."

"You really do suck, dude."

"Thanks for the compliment, Ike." Trebek groaned. "Let's just see what you wagered."

_**Ike's wager: Chicken** _

"And you wagered chicken. Why am I not surprised?"

"Can I go to KFC now, dude?" Ike asked.

"Do whatever the hell you want to do." Trebek muttered. "Well, that'll do it for Celebrity Jeopardy. I'm now gonna go home and rethink my life. Good night."


	3. Kirby, Yoshi, and Pit

The Jeopardy theme played for the excruciating third time as a certain pink puffball, green dinosaur, and flightless angel stood behind their podiums. The host Alex Trebek stood behind his podium with a straight face to welcome everyone to the program.

"And welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy." Trebek sighed. "Before we begin, I'd like to tell our contestants to stop eating food off the floor. So anyway, let's look at the scores. In first place we have Kirby with $1."

The camera turned its focus to Kirby, who seemed to be a bit confused. "Where am I? Who are you?"

"My name is Alex Trebek, and you're on Celebrity Jeopardy." Trebek reminded. "In second place we have Yoshi with -$2300."

The camera then turned to Yoshi, who stood behind his podium eagerly. "Is it my turn to pick a category?"

"No, not yet." Trebek muttered. "And in third place with -$7000 we have Pit."

Lastly, the camera turned its focus to Pit, who looked rather excited. "Look at me, I'm on TV! I'd like to give a shout-out to Lady Palutena and Pittoo! And also-"

"Okay, that's about enough." Trebek sighed. "Anyways, our categories for Double Jeopardy are...'Potent Potables', 'Kitchen Utensils', 'Don't Do Anything', 'What's My Name', 'Go to the Bathroom', and finally 'Pie', and if you choose that category, you get free pie. Okay Kirby, you pick the first category. I'd like to suggest 'Pie'."

"But I don't want pie. I would like some watermelon, please." Kirby replied with a smile.

Trebek shook his head. "Never mind. Yoshi, you pick a category then."

"Can I have some watermelon too?" Yoshi asked.

"No, you can not." Trebek groaned. "Pit, just pick a category."

"Okay, I'll have Floor Ice Cream for $400!" Pit suggested.

Trebek hit his head on the podium. Was food all that these three could think about? "You know what? I'll just pick a category since you're all too busy thinking about food. Let's go with 'What's My Name' for $200. The answer is-"

_***BUZZ!*** _

"What is it, Kirby?"

"Your name is Alex Trebek." Kirby answered.

"Yes, that is my name, but that's not the answer. You have to let me read the clue."

_***BUZZ!*** _

"What, Yoshi?" Trebek asked in slight irritation.

"Your name's Alex Trebek." Yoshi answered as well.

"My name is not the answer! Let me finish reading the clue!"

_***BUZZ!*** _

"What the hell is it, Pit?!" Trebek asked again, obviously getting more irritated.

"What is Alex Trebek?" Pit guessed.

Trebek completely lost it at that point. "For the last time, MY NAME IS NOT THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION! I WOULD'VE ASKED YOU WHAT YOUR NAME IS IF YOU WOULD JUST LET ME READ THE GODDAMN CLUE!" All three of the contestants were completely mortified by Trebek's sudden outburst. "Okay, now that I've got that out of my system, I'll just pick another category. How about 'Kitchen Utensils' for $500. The answer is 'This utensil is used to cut food'."

_***BUZZ!*** _

"Kirby?"

"What is a spoon?" Kirby guessed.

"Not even close." Trebek rolled his eyes.

_***BUZZ!*** _

"Yes, Yoshi?"

"A fork!" Yoshi answered.

"No, that's not it either."

_***BUZZ!*** _

"Pit?"

"Uhh...floor ice cream?" Pit guessed.

"No, the answer was a knife! I swear you all are retarded." Trebek groaned. "You know what, let's just skip right ahead to Final Jeopardy, and since you three love food so much, that's your category. Just write down any kind of food and you win."

The Final Jeopardy theme came on as the three food lovers started to write down their answers.

"Remember, it can be any kind of food. It could be a fruit, or a vegetable. Just draw any kind of food. There's no way you can mess this up."

After a while, the Final Jeopardy theme ended as Trebek walked over to the poduims.

"Now let's take a look at the masterpieces our contestants came up with now." Trebek muttered. "Starting with you, Kirby. Let's see what you wrote down."

_**Kirby's answer: A picture of a tomato** _

"You drew a tomato." Trebek said. "That's actually the right answer. Now all we have to do is see what you wagered."

_**Kirby's wager: A picture of Kirby eating the tomato** _

"And you wagered you eating the tomato. They always find a way to screw this up." Trebek muttered. "Alright Yoshi, let's see what you answered."

_**Yoshi's answer: A picture of a watermelon** _

"And you drew a watermelon." Trebek stated. "Let me guess. You wagered a picture of you eating the watermelon."

_**Yoshi's wager: A picture of Yoshi eating the watermelon** _

"Of course." Trebek groaned. "Okay Pit, what did you write down?"

_**Pit's answer: A bunch of scribbles** _

"What's this supposed to be?" Trebek asked as he looked at the answer.

"Floor ice cream." Pit answered.

"That doesn't look like any ice cream."

"That's the best I could do, mister. I can't write."

"How did I not know that I was gonna deal with an illiterate?" Trebek muttered. "That's it for Celebrity Jeopardy. I'm now going to go and try to cut myself with a butterknife. Good night."


	4. Corrin, Reflet, and Lucina

The Jeopardy theme played for the fourth time as the next contestants stood behind their podiums. These contestants were a dragon prince, a female tactician, and a time-traveling princess. The host Alex Trebek stood up at his podium, looking more bored than ever.

"And welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy." Trebek muttered. "Before we begin, I'd like to warn the people at home to turn off their TV right now. What you are about to watch will be a waste of your time and life. So anyways, let's look at our current scores. In first place is Corrin with $3."

The camera turned its focus to Corrin, who looked rather eager. "I'll take 'Potent Potables' for-"

"We haven't even started playing yet." Trebek said sternly. "In second place is Reflet with -$5000."

The camera then shifted over to Reflet. "It's great to be here, Regis."

"My name is Alex Trebek, not Regis Philbin." Trebek reminded. "And in third place with an amazing -$400,000 we have Lucina."

Lastly, the camera shifted over to Lucina. "I hate you, Trebek."

"Thanks for the compliment." Trebek muttered. "Anyway, the categories for Double Jeopardy are...'Potent Potables', 'Ice Cream Flavors', 'Is This Your Foot?', 'MLB Teams', 'Presidents That Are On the One Dollar Bill', and 'Are You Deaf?' Corrin, since you're in the lead, you pick a category.

"Okay, I would like 'Potent Potables' for $300." Corrin replied. "What even is 'Potent Potables' anyway?"

"It's a category about alcohol." Trebek explained.

"Oh, well, never mind. I don't want that category."

"Of course you don't." Trebek rolled his eyes. "Reflet, you choose a category then."

"I'll have $400." Reflet suggested.

"Okay, on what category?" Trebek asked.

"I don't want a category. I just want $400."

"Reflet, you have to earn the money by picking a category and answering correctly." Trebek explained. "Lucina, pick a category."

"I don't want to pick a category. They all suck."

"Looks like I'll just have to pick the category then." Trebek sighed. "Let's do 'Presidents That Are On the One Dollar Bill' for $300. The answer is 'This president appears on the one dollar bill'."

_***BUZZ!*** _

"Yes, Corrin?"

"Who is Mitt Romney?" Corrin guessed.

"Corrin, Mitt Romney isn't even a president."

"He's not? Hmmm...guess I was thinking about someone else."

"And I'm sure that it's not even the right answer." Trebek muttered.

_***BUZZ!*** _

"Reflet, you got an answer?"

"I'll have $400, Marc!"

Trebek hit his head on the podium. "My name is not Marc Summers!"

_***BUZZ!*** _

"Lucina?" Trebek sighed.

"What is Alex Trebek?"

"I'm not a president, Lucina."

"You definitely have the kind of mustache to be a president."

"I'll take that as a compliment, but the correct answer was George Washington!" Trebek exclaimed. "I'll just pick the next category so I don't lose any more brain cells to you people. Let's go with 'Ice Cream Flavors' for $200. The answer is 'Name this popular ice cream flavor'." Trebek said as a picture of chocolate ice cream appeared on screen.

_***BUZZ!*** _

"Corrin?"

"Is it Rocky Road? I love Rocky Road."

"Close, but no." Trebek muttered.

_***BUZZ!*** _

"Reflet?"

"$1000!" Reflet hollered out.

"Are you a tactician or retarded?" Trebek grumbled sarcastically.

_***BUZZ!*** _

"Yes, Lucina?"

"What is s**t?"

"Lucina, that is not the right answer."

"But, it's true. That looks like and I bet it tastes like s**t."

"Great, now I'll probably never look at chocolate the same ever again." Trebek muttered. "You know what? Let us all not deal with any more of this dumbassery by moving right to the Final Jeopardy. Your category is 'Pronouns'. Write down any kind of pronoun and you win."

The Final Jeopardy theme then came on as Corrin, Reflet, and Lucina wrote down their answers and wagers on their podiums.

"Remember, it could be any pronoun. It could be 'me' or 'you'. Just write down any kind of pronoun. There's no way you can mess this up."

At long last, the Final Jeopardy theme ended and Trebek headed over to the podiums.

"Now let's take a look at the gold mine that our contestants had created. Starting with you Corrin, what did you write down?"

_**Corrin's answer: Nothing** _

"And...you wrote down nothing."

"Sorry, sir. I couldn't think of anything to write down." Corrin admitted.

"It wasn't that hard to write down a simple word like 'I' or 'we'." Trebek said. "Never mind that, let's just see what you wagered."

_**Corrin's wager: $0** _

"And you wagered nothing." Trebek muttered. "Okay Reflet, let's see what you wrote down."

_**Reflet's answer: I** _

"I..." Trebek read in slight surprise. "You actually answered correctly. Now all we have to do is see your wager."

_**Reflet's wager: would like a bajillion dollars, Monty** _

Trebek facepalmed as he read the wager. "First of all, bajillion isn't an actual word, and second, my name is Alex Trebek, not Monty Hall!" Trebek sighed as he walked over to Lucina's podium. "Alright Lucina, before I try to shoot myself in the head, let's look at your answer."

_**Lucina's answer: You** _

"Me." Trebek read in surprise. "You wrote down me as your answer?"

"I'll admit, you're a pretty cool guy." Lucina shrugged.

"Well, I'm impressed." Trebek smiled. "Now let's see your wager."

_**Lucina's wager: Suck** _

"I suck..." Trebek read in disbelief. "How did I end up falling for that? Well, that'll do for Celebrity Jeopardy. I'm now going to go home and drink some bleach. Good night."


End file.
